Peanut Butter

Only substance known to defy all scientific studies on the "Jelly side down" conspiracy. Alleged murder/resurrection of Schrödinger's Monkey (reference needed).



Butter of Peanus
Karl Minups speculated that the butter of peanus was the true origin of Edson's secretly sexual treat, and that sticky peanut flour was merely a serendipitous scape goat. The Carter People logged this as a peanut victory, but Edson spent many years alone; years that, according to Mrs. Tuneup, saw the peanut flour remain untouched and unloved until 1941, when the Carter People recognized the neglect and rescued the now much creamier peanut butter. Edson's body was never discovered, though Minups theorizes it is mummified in one of Edson's secret Canadian style "vaults of peanus".

The Carter People
Whether the Carter People (also known as the Peanut Butter People) were the true discoverers of the liquid peanut, it is difficult to argue that they are the saviors of peanut butter. This is mostly due to a handwritten footnote amendment to the Constitution, stating that anyone attempting to debate the saviorhood of the Carter People shall be turned into people butter.

Censorship in Public Schools
Some duded hated that peanut butter and dude band it. He was crazy, you no. Peanut butter delicious. I don't care what you shut up. PB in heaven foreva!